User talk:Sgt.HootGibson
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Thread:373481#374484|Creepypasta Wiki chat is back. Behave yourselves. page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! EmpyrealInvective (talk) 12:16, September 18, 2014 (UTC) Links In Source mode, add double brackets in two opposite sides, and add the story's name beetween them. That's how it'll look like: The Drummer Boy (check this message in Source mode and you'll understand what I'm saying). Jamés the chapeist Send a message to Al Chapé here! 13:22, October 26, 2014 (UTC) Ban There was a little time left, (I believe as there is a time difference, but as it was negligible, I unblocked you.) Please don't use slurs or the ban will be extended. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 03:47, November 22, 2014 (UTC) Categories Violation You have added categories to a page that cannot be added together. Please read the Genre Listing page or the for more information. The first offense for this OR creating new categories (i.e. adding categories not listed on the Genre Listing) is a warning, but the second time will result in a 1 (one) day block as per the . He's not the Messiah! He's a very naughty boy! 15:56, January 30, 2015 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 05:44, April 27, 2016 (UTC) Re: Story That's not why the story was deleted. It was deleted because it was below quality standards with a number of awkward wording, tense issues, and plot problems. Unfortunately the wiki is going into maintenance and will be locked down so I don't have the time right now to go in-depth. I will do it tomorrow morning. Sorry for the inconvenience. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 05:59, April 27, 2016 (UTC) :Wording: "To me, he was like an older brother you can (could) depend on", "Well, I couldn't say we started a new life of our own because we never got married, probably because we were just not that lucky enough." (awkward wording), "I find this very unlikely (odd/unusual, unlikely is more common in statistics/possibilities where contextually you seem to be focused on the strangeness of his recent change.) for he usually accompanied me wherever I went.", "Never was I used to being alone.", "Sadness and grief engulfed me in whole.", etc.. If you read a lot of these aloud to yourself, it's easier to catch awkward wording or lines that need revision. :Tense issues: The story is in past tense so the actions need to reflect that. "Most of the sailors rely (relied) on him during our service throughout the war", "Stan was really active when it comes (came) to work and really makes (made) a living out of it.", "At some point, he says (said,) "Whatever happens to me, I'm never leaving this damn chair!"", "The doctors say (said) his conditions weren't getting any better but they will (would) try their best to take care of him.", "Stan has (had) died.", etc. :Plot issues: The story could use a lot more description here. "We would study in the same high-school and would later enlist in the navy as sailors when the war broke out." What war were they fighting in? What exactly is their relationship? Lines like this: "Well, I couldn't say we started a new life of our own because we never got married," muddy the waters a bit. If they're just really good friends, a little more needs to be put into describing their level of friendship. As you're trying for a more emotional aspect to the story, you need to really drive home how close they are and how his death has impacted the protagonist. On the topic of endings, the conclusion does feel a bit lackluster. You should either really build up Stan's odd behavior or insistence in staying in that chair, or focus more on the strange events happening after his death. :There is quite a lot of work to be done here with this story and a lot more fleshing out is needed to make it effective. I hope that helps, sorry for the inconvenience, but site maintenance really tends to take out a block of 2-3 hours (and at midnight, that's a bit of a wait). EmpyrealInvective (talk) 15:03, April 27, 2016 (UTC)